It was the end of February, almost two years ago. Zach was in Afghanistan. I had been having a lot of problems with my cell phone service. Because of the nature and location of this particular deployment, Zach and I weren’t able to talk with the regularity of the past. We had a brief conversation, brief because of my frustration over the poor connection. The next day Zach called in the very early morning, I think it was still dark outside. He called to say he wasn’t going to be able to call for a while. I knew what he meant. I was half asleep and crank, I’m not a morning person.

I was in school so my days were busy but the nights were always long. It was nearing midnight and I was getting ready for bed. I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, washed my hair and just had a feeling. This feeling was compounded by how short I was during my last phone call with Zach. I regretted it. I tried calling him

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, maybe a dozen times. His phone was off. There was a Pashtun recording on the other end I could never understand. I’m sure it was something along the lines of “This subscriber is unavailable…” I went to sleep. The next morning came and I still hasn’t heard anything from Zach, not even an email. I tried calling him again but there was still no answer. I tried keeping busy but after lunch I called again, and again, no answer.

A little after 3 o’clock that afternoon the company commander emailed the family members to the company to inform us that one of Zach’s soldiers had been shot several times and had to be medevaced (airlifted) to Bagram. I knew it must have been very bad. But what she had failed to mention was whether or not the rest of the people on the team were alright, if Zach was okay. My mind immediately went to the worst case scenario. I knew that if Zach was dead the commander wouldn’t be allowed to say anything until they Army made an in person notification. I imagined that because the injured soldier fell directly under Zach’s supervision so they must have been in close proximity to each other. I thought they were going to knock on my door. At the time I lived in a gated complex and wondered how they would get in.

I tried calling Zach again, but still there was no answer. Every car door slamming shut in the parking lot was piercing. I sat on the couch, looking out the window, waiting, but then it got dark and I couldn’t see anything anymore. Ten hours after I received that email from the commander I got an email from Zach. He was okay. After his soldier had been injured they had to continue on with their mission. By the time they were done he was too tired to do anything but sleep, understandably.

A little over a week ago I was working at my computer with the local news on in the background. The anchor said an unidentified soldier on post was killed that morning at one of the ranges. I immediately realized I hadn’t heard from Zach all day, my stomach dropped, again. I texted him but this time he texted back right away. He was fine.

I’m almost speechless at the thought of this week. I’m glad it’s almost over. Undoubtedly

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, next week will just have new problems. My semester is over. It’s bittersweet. School is all I have here. I could have signed up for the winter session, but I figured I would regret not taking a break. Zach made it to where he was going. We get to talk almost every day, over the phone. The conversations are short. There is no wifi or video chatting, but there is a USO computer that takes so long to load he can’t really check his email. But it’s okay. It will be okay. Because it has to be.

This week the House of Representatives decided cutting pensions of veterans was a good idea. I made the mistake of reading the comments, and it was shocking to see how many people dislike the military and even blame them for some of our financial problems. I think people have a difficult time differentiating between the people at the top and the people at the bottom. It seems like most people have the impression that the lower level people are just sucking the country dry of everything we have. But what people fail to realize is that defense spending is so much bigger than bullets and navy seals. The Military Industrial Complex is so much bigger than the 4 branches of the military. Don’t get me wrong, I wholeheartedly agree that defense spending is wrought with waste and abuse, but it comes from the top and not the bottom. And it’s the bottom that is first to be punished for it.

Perhaps we should have made sure to follow the Powell Doctrine from the beginning.

Richard Slotkin on Guns and Violence

Bill Moyers on the Class War

What it is to See / Reel 2013 from Jake Oleson on Vimeo.

I was watching reunion porn (military homecomings) on Nightline a few minutes ago. It made me sad because it reminded me of the things I don’t like about the military or the military community. This particular segment referenced military wives with children and pretty houses missing their spouses. Don’t get me wrong, being separated from someone you care about is difficult. And it’s even more difficult when you know your loved one is often in dangerous situations. I feel like the news would have you believe that somehow because you have children it must be more difficult or because you don’t it must be easier. But that is not the case.

What I didn’t like about the segment is that it was a reminder of being left out. Zach and I do not have children and because of that we or I get left out of a lot of things. In the military, companies have Family Readiness Groups (FRGs), which would have you believe that it is some makeshift family unit. In my experience, it has never been that. They, the FRG, often centers around children, and people with children. And I am not one of them. They also made mention of all the troops coming home and how many are left, but they forgot to talk about the ones that just left, and what they left behind.

We had roughly 5 different deployment dates. Originally, we planned that I would move home after finals and before Zach deploys. But because the date was moved up, he left early. And I am left here. Military life makes it extremely difficult to make or maintain meaningful connections, with new friends and old friends. I’ve been away from home so long now that I’ve missed too many things with my old friends to really be a part of that group anymore. And we just moved here about 5 months ago and I haven’t really met many people. I don’t have anyone. It’s too big of a project to try to move alone.

So, it’s officially Thanksgiving. I’m thankful for my family, to include Monkey, the ultimate battle buddy. I’m thankful to be in college. I’m thankful to have somewhere to live and food to eat. And I know any day we live to tell about is a good day, but I’m still sad.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Kinfolk Saturdays: Flying High from Kinfolk (kinfolk.com) on Vimeo.

Primordial —- Yellowstone / Grand Tetons from Voortex Productions on Vimeo.

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We’ve been packing. We’ll pick the moving truck up in a few days and say goodbye to Fayetteville and Fort Bragg. But today is Memorial Day. A day we remember service members that gave their lives in service to our country. So

, tonight we took a break from packing to go visit the Field of Honor one last time.

There was a man and a woman in camping chairs sitting beside a tile on the walkway to the Airborne and Special Operations Museum. There were two red candles burning and beside one of the candles was an open beer. I didn’t take a picture because it was getting pretty dark and I didn’t want to intrude on something that seemed so very personal.

Something else stuck out. Directly in front of the door to the museum there is a cluster of Memorial Pavers, and taped to one of them was a single red rose. My heart breaks for his family.

In memory of CW3 Christopher M. Allgaier and all of the service members that died serving our country.